I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
