you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
