Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
