I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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