omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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