I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
