He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
