I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
