New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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