You work out of a Hotel?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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