well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
