i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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