I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Houston, we have a blender
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
