I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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