I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
