me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
