after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize