Porn is love you can see.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
