FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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