he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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