Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
