I love black thongs
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
