I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize