took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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