i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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