I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
