I'm drive I can fine osifer
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dicks are not precious.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
