your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
