I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
