i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Someone shit on the floor
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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