Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
