Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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