pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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