Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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