Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
