How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
