I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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