Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
