The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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