no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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