38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
