I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
