I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
