the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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