I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
