So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You left your phone here
Wait...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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