Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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