You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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