All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
