So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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