the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
