she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my sisters under your porch take her home
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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