How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
