you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
