Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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