Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
