bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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