Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
