My liver just broke up with me...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
