Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
