You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
