Just fell off a train. Bad.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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