just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
