girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
