Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
