Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
