he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
