My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
