Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
